I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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