you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
