He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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