my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
