I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Vodka?
Forever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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