Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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