Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i out mim tonsoeep
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
