if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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