then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
