So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
