SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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