I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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