How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
