Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
