Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
