happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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