i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
