how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
