Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
