You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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