The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
