Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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