She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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