I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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