I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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