She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize