And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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