I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm like, not good at living.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
