Will you blow on my dice?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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