I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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