I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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