DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
