and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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