I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
