I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
