Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
