I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
