I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
