He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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