I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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