i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
