we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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