She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
