I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
