your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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