He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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