i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize