it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
