I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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