we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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