You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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