I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
