he shaved USA in his pubs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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