I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let's paint friendship bongs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
