you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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