Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
