U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
