Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
