if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
