i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
