i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
