You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize