so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
