It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
