I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
