My girlfriend figured out who you are.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
