Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
