i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
